Maria "Bone Crusher" Arroyo, LMT
MEET MARIA
Maria's skilled touch, firm grip, and high success rate make her a highly sought after medical massage therapist. It's not unusual for Maria to be booked just as many weeks in advance as Dr. Kerns. Don't be surprised if you have to get on a wait list for an appointment.
Maria is best known for her near supernatural ability to restore function to old injuries, as well as her fabulous sense of humor and tough-love attitude. We can always tell which treatment room Maria's in. We can hear Maria and her patients laughing so hard that other patients waiting in the lobby ask for "whatever therapy that is."
Maria has advanced medical massage training in the following areas:
1. Neck and shoulder pain
2. Low back and hip pain
3. Sciatica and piriformis syndrome
4. Plantar fasciitis and foot pain
5. Reality checks and calling B.S. on those of us who might be slacking on our at-home stretches
4. Outrageous parenting tips and unsolicited relationship advice
We keep count of how many times patients have said they will kidnap her (9), how many have proposed marriage (3) and how many have brought her offerings of food (12).
Patients love Maria (and so do we.) - Dr. Jeannette Kerns, AP, DOM, L.Ac., owner Here are a few of our favorite quotes from patients in the Veteran's Support Program:
"I'm pretty sure that woman was trained by the Viet Cong! I was a bit worried at first, but I haven't felt this good in more than 15 years. That woman is a treasure...or maybe a torturer...I'm not sure. All I know is I feel great!" B. Deamicis, Vietnam Veteran
"Are you sure she's not a drill sergeant? That was a LOT like boot camp. She tore me down and then built me back up and I feel like a whole new man. Thank you Mighty Mouse Maria!" Jose R., Persian Gulf War Veteran "
I just called my wife and told her to get the spare room ready because I'm kidnapping Maria and taking her home" O. Wilson, U.S. Army Veteran
"That wasn't a massage. That was an exorcism! All my demons are gone!" A. Torres, U.S. Army Veteran
"Maria has the hands of an Angel" O. Gardner, WWII Veteran
SERVICES BY MARIA
It's not a deep tissue massage if it isn't a Maria massage.